Friday, April 30, 2010

She Says

One reader wrote to me because she really disagrees with some of what I have said. She wrote some things that I thought were interesting and valid. I want to share some and address some as well. She says,

“There are women who fought really hard to be seen as fully formed people independent of their sexual relationship with men, and for them, what you are saying seems to want to put them back 'in their place'. Not even 50 years ago, it was laughable for anyone -- except the feminists that you talk about -- to even voice that women could be equal to men in the workplace or in education, or any other field. Feminists fought hard to not be seen only as sex objects.…In my first two jobs, I was groped by men in the workplace. In public… It was commonplace, and there was nothing we could do about it. It was before sexual harassment. We would be laughed at if we 'reported' it. We were laughed at for telling the guys to stop.”

I can only imagine living in the world of yester year and I it breaks my heart to imagine the pain many women have experienced in history and in their marriages because of society not regarding women as equals. I have a profound respect for the generations before me for their efforts to fight for my recognition. My blog is not about discrediting the blessings the feminist movement have created. It is just my view that perhaps this movement’s voice has been so loud that it is now unpopular to consider “his” needs and I think that is unfortunate.

She was frustrated with the fact that my blog says -- 'men have needs'. She thinks I am saying, ‘They can't help themselves.’ I did not mean to come across as saying they have no choice, I did say “SOMETIMES we leave them with little choice” but they absolutely have accountability. They are every bit as responsible for the pain in their marriages and sometimes even more so. Of course they have to own their side of things. Each person has to look at their relationship and ask themselves what it is that they do or do not contribute to their success.

It is clearly an over simplification for me to reduce men as sexually obsessed creatures. Physical intimacy is going to be most rewarding for you AND HIM when it is between two caring and vulnerable people who see their lover as someone who counts just as much. So I am not saying men are ONLY about food and sex but for many guys, especially the physical intimacy, these things are really important.

If for some reason your partner doesn’t fit this bill then please talk about it. Maybe my blog can awake in you two a conversation. “So how do you feel about what this crazy Show up Naked with Food lady is saying?” Communication is going to be the biggest key to real romance in the bedroom. I am just here to say what guys, jokes, and society has been saying for ages- Men often desire physical interaction more than women.

I did agree with this part of what she wrote- "And with your blog about having sex even when you don't want to, you are… raising expectations for women to 'perform' even when they are exhausted by this unfair system." I agree. It is a hard call to action. I am hoping to beckon women to betterment. I wish I could have come across more loving to the lady readers out there. It's just that I actually believe in women. I am, after all, on your team ultimately! I am a woman, a wife, and a mother. So I agree dear reader, many women are TOO tired with life and unfortunately so are men. Hence a divorce rate of over 50%.


I have been incredibly surprised at the overwhelming response I have received about this blog. I really appreciate all of your comments, so thank you so much. While the vast majority have been incredibly positive, there have been some thoughts that have lead me to be introspective about the type of “voice” I have been using. Several people have disagreed with me about particular points that I have actually addressed, perhaps they have not read the entire blog, perhaps I have not been clear enough or perhaps those peripheral thoughts are lost with my louder and more focused points.

So I really want to take this time to clarify and reiterate. First of all, as I mentioned in the warning above: these concepts will not work for EVERYONE. Every relationship is different and each present different dynamics and challenges. While there is so so so much more to marriage and a fulfilling life with the person you love than just sex and food, these insights and tips may prove to be helpful to you in your relationship. I am not a marriage expert. I know nothing about your personal life. I am just sharing my opinions and would happily love to hear yours. Many people may need more serious help in their marriage and only they can determine what works best for them.

This argument of being selfless in your marriage is absolutely a two way street. There should be a blog out there for men and how they can create an environment in their marriage where the wife feels safe, valued, loved and appreciated so as to encourage her desire to serve and to be intimate with him. Husbands should get a clue to be helpful with chores, dishes, and to listen better. Guys should put down the video games, let these ladies know they are lovely, and give the magic women in their lives more affection and time. Problems in marriages are complex and while every person who is hurting deserves a listening ear and some validation this blog’s main intention is to plead the case of the other side. I am here to represent decent men and not the men that come with addictions, expectancy, and seriously severely neglectful behaviors. Most of us probably married good guys, right? Afterall, that is why we married them.

This blog is about taking a moment to think about how we might have made their lives more difficult, how we can change our ways, how we can do more to make them feel adored. Any real change has to start with you. Perhaps you already have a good thing going. Well good for you! But I am betting if you asked your darling husband if he’d appreciate the application of more intimacy and more service he’d happily nod his head. Giving of yourself and reaching out to the person you are married to is what I am carrying on about. The physical intimacy every day (and this doesn’t have to mean intercourse) is really really important to MOST men. There is an overwhelming amount of women who do not understand this and if they do, they do not care, because they are too focused on their own hurting to see his.

When you really understand one another and are communicating on a deep level then you’ll find true happiness. Problems are a viscous cycle but someone has to stop them. I am here to say why not have it be you? Perfect your craft of loving him… whatever that looks like! I just know from following this advice--- I have one happy bloke for a husband.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

False Advertising

Sex is one of the greatest blessings of marriage for men. It should be for women as well, and for some it is, but we are so fundamentally different by design that it does not really work out that way. For many women sex is optional and a fringe benefit if consequential at all. The stability, friendship, and emotional security are what many ladies look for first and foremost out of the partnership called marriage. While men enjoy those things as well, sexual consistency is one of the main draws toward this binding agreement.

For men who are morally obligated to only have sex within a marriage, you MUST begin to think about how ridiculous it is to not follow the Open Door Policy as a reward to those amazing one in a million guys! When you do not give yourself sexually to them regularly and whenever he wants you are punishing them for being true to their moral code and true to your marriage. These issues of intimacy can influence a man to seek out pornography and masturbation. Men have been known to step out on their wives and even leave them all together because of this. Please consider this simple plan of action to prevent more risk for those kinds of things. (Note: I am not excusing these horrible behaviors some men engage in, they always have a choice but SOMETIMES we don't leave them with much of one.)

Let’s take a little journey back to the start. Chances are you gave this impression in the beginning. If you were really physical when you were dating, sexy and flirty, romantically engaging, endured make out sessions galore, then sweet friend- you told him that this is what he was signing up for. Ever heard of false advertising? Ok, let’s talk the other side for a second- Remember when he would listen to you? Caress your feet? Bring you flowers? Was nice to your mom? Couldn’t get enough of you and would do anything for you at the slightest hint? Not very fun to be on the other side is it? Well here’s an idea if you want all that back… GIVE IT UP every single day. Transform the relationship back to how you first painted it and just see what he does. I promise it works. What is in it for you? How about a happy husband who will be around and in a BIG way?

Monday, April 26, 2010

Withholding as Punishment

This is a very serious topic for me just because it really breaks my heart. I feel it can literally be a form a spouse abuse. Put it this way, if a man is emotionally abusive and withholds love and affection people are quick to talk about what a jerk he is and that dirty laundry gets aired quickly. But if a woman withholds sex from her partner there doesn’t seem to be the same reaction or acknowledgment of how abusive this really is. I literally know couples that get sexually intimate once or maybe twice a year. Every intentional example of a sexless relationship I have ever known about personally, has been created and dictated by the woman. This is tragic. Many people in society feel this is grounds for divorce.

I find it unthinkable to use sex as a form of punishment. It is like the only tool of control most women have and they know this weapon can get a man on his knees. It can leave a man to internalize this devastating rejection as meaning that he is not attractive enough or good enough for love. This leads to shame and then of course no one wants to share a serious issue of shame which leaves the man without any social support of any kind for what he is going through. Even if he did confide in someone, it is not very likely that the confidant could affect any change. How can anyone say something about such a private and intimate issue? So he is all alone to bare the tragic consequences of the cruel and evil act of withholding. Experts actually encourage people to leave romantic relationships that are sexless.

So please, please, please consider this unjust punishment as one of the worst things you can do to your marriage. Do not make this mistake. You will find that the love in your relationship will be severely affected and you will be to blame.

A famous play written as anciently as 411 B.C., has a plot where the Spartan and Athenian women agree to withhold sex from their husbands until the two warring city-states make peace. Now if your withholding has a righteous purpose like that… well then you my friend, are the true exception! Please make sure to let me know so I can stand corrected. But unless you are creating world peace and or involved in the United Nations’ efforts for conflict resolution make sure you NEVER withhold as a punishment!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

The Food Nanny

Liz Edmunds's passion is dinner on the table and it is apparent that she makes the “showing up with Food” part a priority. Her cook book has easy steps to make dinner possible and her new television show helps get families back to the dinner table.

For many families, eating dinner together has become a lost art. One of the blessings of eating dinner together is the opportunity to talk with one another. So turn off the cell phones and TV and have a conversation. Here are some ideas about what you can talk about around the table with your loved ones:

The biggest or most challenging part of your day
Exchange memories
Talk about and plan future family trips or activities
Talk about what is popular in the media
Teach morals and values, use this time to instill your believes
Talk about politics, religion, or what is happening in the news
Talk about friends or extra-curricular activities
And if it is just you and your spouse… talk about the crazy love making you are going to do after dinner is over. ;)

Are You Better than Average?

A leading research firm hired by Durex found that the global average for frequency of sex for a couple is 109 times per year (2.1 times per week, or once every 3.3 days).

Now, where many women may take this statistic as validation to their mate that “we are totally normal” and that his wanting more is because he’s a sex maniac is totally flawed because studies have shown that 95% of men wish they would have more. Also take into consideration this is the average. So this includes couples who are dating, or newly weds that would set the average a lot lower for those who have been married for a while. It is hard for experts to say how many of the 113 million married Americans are having healthy sex lives but psychologist estimate that 15-20% have sex only 10 times a year which defines them as having a "sexless marriage."

So here is the issue- men think their wives are passionless and women think their husbands are insatiable. The truth is we are different. And blame, not libido, is what destroys marriages. Women need to feel emotionally safe with their partner to desire sex. On the other hand, men need to be physically intimate with their lover before they invest a great deal of energy into their relationship. Someone has to break this vicious cycle. Since you are reading this blog, I am counting on you! When you do, I promise that he will be more responsive to you!

There are all kinds of ways to accomplish making your man happy in the “show up naked” part of things:

1. Flirt with him: Guys like to feel desirable too, believe it or not. Remember when you use to play footsies or tell him how sexy he was? Remember talking about him to everyone because you were so stoked? Well give it a go again. Pat him on the bum, tell him what a hottie he is, ravish him when he least expects it. He’ll love it, and he’ll love you even more for it.

2. Make Time for him: This is easy, just reprioritize some things and I promise you have some time… let’s be honest it doesn’t have to be a marathon love scene every time.

3. Even if you’re not in the mood do it. You may need to jumpstart yourself to be in the mood. Often I won’t be feeling it but I always end up enjoying it once we have started. Plus, remember he is usually always in the mood. He deserves the beautiful love you have to give, so give it.

4. Consider just pleasing him. If you do that a few times, just watch how happy he is to make sure that you also enjoy the experience!

I can almost hear you whining, “Why do I have to do all the work?” It has to start somewhere. Why not start with you. After all, that is the only thing you truly have control over. Plus, I promise it becomes super addictive to give love to your husband… because like I always say… he won’t be able to help but give back to you.

The 5 Love Languages

This is one of the most helpful marriage books I have ever read. I recommend it to everyone that is in any kind of relationship! The book really gives some amazing insight. The Five Love Languages talks about how people communicate love differently. It says there are 5 of them. 1) Words of Affirmation 2) Quality Time 3) Gifts 4) Service and 5) Physical Touch. The funny part is the author has to qualify that most men initially think their love language is physical touch but as he gives more of an explanation they see that this is more like cuddling and patting on the back, holding hands, etc. Why I mention this goes back to my point about men NEEDING sex differently than woman. They equate sexual intimacy as a sign that they are loved. So with that in mind, please read this book and be sure to give him physical touch as often as he would like.

One of my most favorite aspects of the book is how all relationships follow this funny trend- the author even backs it up with empirical data- and when you understand the way things usually work in a marriage you can understand what do to about the aspects that are frustrating for you. These stages are summarized a little bit in my own words below:

Infatuation or Romantic Love-
This stage is when the relationship is new and exciting and you are in love, so in love, and want the world to know it. When you cannot keep your hands off each one another you’re your mind is obsessed with this person you are in love with. Some call it the “honeymoon stage”. It typically lasts only 1-2 years. I use to think this was so sad and vowed to never let that die in my relationship. But the truth is if it didn’t calm down a little bit… absolutely nothing would get done in society. With my sexy husband I would make out like a rock star all day and night and wouldn’t accomplish anything! So it is natural, normal, and even good for us that things slow down in this department.

Reality Comes Knocking -
We start to realize that our partners have idiosyncrasies that are less than perfect. Arguments may begin to introduce themselves in your once perfect world and you sadly realize that your marriage is not living up to your expectations or that things are not as they once were. Perhaps you are even among the lucky who still really get along but that crazy sexual passion certainly is not the same. This usually comes after kids but for some can start sooner.

At this point the relationship can go one of three ways because you can decide one of the following:
1) The relationship cannot be fixed and you end it
2) The relationship cannot be fixed, but you won’t end it, so you settle into a loveless marriage that leaves you both completely unfulfilled
3) Or perhaps it is not only your spouse that needs to change and this is where you can head on to the biggest and “bestest” part of the marriage:

True Love-
In this stage you learn to accept that people are imperfect and therefore no relationship can be perfect either. You also take a good hard look at yourself and realize that there are things you could change or things that you could do that would help to pave a path for a loving relationship. Your actions can invite your spouse’s to. And as you succeed at this your relationship is built on something much deeper than physical attraction or hearts and flowers. This is the kind of love that unfortunately few people enjoy. This is the eternally love that movies should be written about.

A woman’s sexual desire for a man is largely determined on how emotionally connected to him she feels. My parents have always said the cute phrase, “woman give sex for love and men give love for sex” and this funny saying has more truth in it than can be comfortable for most women. But if you come to understand that “TRUE LOVE” transcends this and is all about doing what is best for the other person because they mean that much to you, the joy you can achieve in bring joy to someone else is the real treat.

Lost that Loving Feeling?

The first few years of marriage, many woman seem to want the physical interaction with their husband as much as he does. I will never forget a friend of mine, a mother of 3 children, saying something about only having sex with her husband once a week. She said she could easily go one month without it. I remember thinking, “Sad I will never get like that. I need it way more, that is crazy!" Then, I had a baby. Things really changed. With milky boobs, extra baby weight that didn’t help make me feel very sexy, incredible fatigue, and the new hormones pumping through my body, I suddenly understood how my cute pal could say what she did. It was kind of this sad realization that my sex drive was independent from me. I couldn’t deny the fact that I didn’t need or want it as much anymore. Those feeling or urges that were so natural in me were not as strong. I believe most mothers know exactly what I am talking about. From having read dozens of forums where hundreds of men and women express their concerns about this very issue, I am confident my experience was not out of the norm.

Because it is totally normal for a new mother to experience a loss of her libido along with her once slimmer waist line, women tend to want to get an “OK” for saying no to their husbands, because then they won’t have to feel bad about it. This is where the problem begins. She has to make him wrong, insensitive, or selfish in order to justify denying him.

After the birth of a child the love a wife has for her spouse is often stronger than ever, but the desire to engage in sexual activity is not. I am not even talking about the 4 to 6 week (and Doc never said 46 weeks as some woman like to pretend) waiting period for intercourse after childbirth. Which brings me to a quick additional point about how you have no excuse to still not take care of him- there are lots of other ways to meet his need during this time! Even after the prescribed period woman are claiming headaches and exhaustion, when if they are truly honest, doesn’t stop them from enjoying little pleasures like watching their favorite program, reading a good book, or having a chat with a girl friend on the phone about the joys or challenges of motherhood. Some woman actually report an increase in sexual desire right after birth but it doesn’t seem to last. By about month 3 the last thing she is wanting is a man to be all over the same parts of her body that baby has been hanging from all day.

Low self esteem contributes to the problem for many women because they feel less than desirable. They smell like spit up, their body has traumatically changed and now there is no baby in their belly as an excuse, they are in pajamas all day and certainly don’t have time for makeup or to do their hair. Many women can’t believe he’d desire her in the first place. Post partum blues and even depression are common and then the problem really increases as she pulls away from him. He, being hurt, from the constant rejection may not make as many advances as he use to and she takes this as confirmation that he is not interested which encourages this cycle to continue. I have spoken to a lot of my friends who have become new moms and I have researched this with a lot of reading and this problem can be devastating.

Men don’t always have the skills to deal with their feeling sexually deprived. They often resent the wife or try guilt trip tactics which only makes her defensive. Some men withdraw, take it out on the children, or turn to other means outside of their wife (even cheating can and does occur)… but no matter what, even with the most understanding and patient man, this issue will take a toll on a marriage and end up hurting both of you.

Now while I am in no denial that men could learn some things about how to encourage us better. They could do a million things better to make life easier for us and make us more willing to jump into bed with them… but that is not what this blog is for. I am a wife and a woman. It isn’t too effective for me to tell the other side how to be. I feel the only way you can influence your relationship to improve is by worrying about YOU! What can YOU do as a wife, what are YOU doing to make things work? I may be taking an unpopular stance for many woman and especially roaring feminists but I say the proof is in the pudding. Literally the first day home from the hospital, you can choose to give your darling husband more than just the gift of baby to hold. ;)

When it comes to my husband, I truly do not know a more hands on father and a more helpful partner. You may argue, well maybe you’re just lucky and you have a wonderful husband so no wonder you are happy to take care of him? I would say maybe you are right, perhaps he just came that way, isn’t that more of a reason to extend myself? I am confident that if I didn’t take care of him he wouldn’t be as thrilled about taking care of me by helping me out around the house and with the kids.

The deal is you have to change the way you think about this issue. If you think of it as some chore or resent how you have to take care of your selfish husband because Show Up Naked with Food says so, you won’t reap all the rewards. If you can see it as a need of his, one you are happy to oblige because you love him, just as you rock your sweet new bundle of joy to sleep because it is what you do as a mother, you’ll find the connection and spark of your marriage can burn brighter than ever. But hey, even if you do it out of guilt, I will say it won’t be worse than completely neglecting your partner because that’ll HURT YOU in the end. If his needs and wants are not on your agenda. Why should yours be on his? This is the law of nature, like an echo “What you send out comes back to you”.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Plan Out Your Meals

I have come to realize that one usually cannot win without a plan. Poor meal planning will not only lead to a money pit but a stressful life. Avoiding a lifestyle with debt requires strict budgeting. The grocery budget column has always been the most difficult for me just because it can vary so drastically if I am not careful. Spending a little time every week to create a comprehensive dinner meal plan for the week is really helpful and helps meet some important goals of mine including spending time with family, saving money, saving time, creating yummy meals that I can be happy to serve loved ones, saving time for last minute trips to the store, and most importantly making my man happy!

I always try to see what I have in the refrigerator that needs to be used when I plan meals. I have this crazy obsession about trying not to waste things. If I have to throw out a half full jar of anything I get super bummed out. I think it is because I realize it was not only wasteful, expensive, but also a failure on my part to plan properly. Thinking about what you are going to eat in advanced allows you to make healthier choices instead of last minute desperation decisions that cost money and are not the best for your bod (the same one you should be using to make Mr. Handsome Husband happy with every day).

Michael Pollan’s book In Defense of Food points out that in the 1960s Americans spent nearly 18% of their household income on food and a mere 5% on health care. Currently, Americans spend over 9% on their food and 16% on health care. So invest in your health and your family by spending the time now so you don’t have to spend it later.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Pride Yourself

What would be amazing if every wife actually took pride in the fact that she NEVER denies her husband physical affection. Ok, for some of you it may not be practical to have an intimate moment with your husband every single day but at least start with promising yourself and him that you will never turn him down. I pride myself on the fact that my man is always taken care of when he desires me. I think if more women thought that this meter of her love was an indication of what kind of a wife she was, more marriages would be spared and more couples would be happy. Just think about all of the jokes and references of the wife using a “headache” as an excuse. (In fact ABC News discusses how headache pain is relieved with sexual activity.)
Don’t say no, just don’t ever do it. Think how painful it must feel to be denied, perhaps you have had the unfortunate occasion, it doesn’t leave you feeling very desirable I imagine. So please don’t choose your own sleep or “busy” life over the opportunity to let your husband know he is adored. If you at least decide to commit to the “Open Door Policy", you will very well see that when you ask your husband to do a favor for you, (say get a glass of water or help with the kids) he’ll be that much more inclined.

Also consider hitting him up for lovin’ too. Don’t always wait for him to ask. Guys want to feel that they are wanted, just like we do. Even if you have to seem more interested than you really are… think of how it makes you feel when your husband seems to be okay with going to a chick flick with you. My major emphasis here is to esteem your husband! Make him feel cherished because you’d like to feel that way. If he already does that, than all the more reason to. If your complaint is, “the last thing I want to do is get intimate with a guy who doesn’t treat me great” , consider how you can be the first to extend the peace offering. Charity and love are essentials in any happy relationship. Give the gift you have been wanting- to feel VALUED. Most husbands feel valued by your physical affection. Choose this mentality today and I promise you won’t regret it.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Why Men Need IT

WARNING: This entry has medical terminology in it and scientific fact. It is not intended to make light or be disrespectful in any way toward human sexuality. I hope I do not offend with my specific and accurate language. I only intend to educate.

A fact that very few women know is that while both men and women may desire sex, only men NEED it. Men have two small organs called “seminal vesicles”. They have a profound effect on a man’s behavior. Within each seminal vesicle, seminal fluid is continually being produced. As this fluid is produced it swells, the swelling cannot be relieved by any other way than by ejaculation. This is why men who are not sexually active or do not relieve themselves often experience nocturnal emissions.

Surrounding the seminal vesicles is a network of pressure sensitive nerves which send messages to a specific part of the brain called the hypothalamus. The hypothalamus of the male brain appears to specifically be designed to trigger sexual arousal. When this occurs testosterone is released into the bloodstream. This triggers a man’s conscious awareness of his sexual need. The accelerated rate of this hormone in man affects his attention to any and all sexual stimuli around him. Consequently the man finds himself being rather distracted by sexual thoughts and desires. This involuntary arousal cycle is constant for a man, something very real and powerful that women can never fully understand.

Only evacuation of the seminal vesicles by ejaculation will quench a man’s sexual desire and within seconds after he will have no sexual desire at all. A married man will and should naturally and even unconsciously seek a physical encounter with his wife regularly. It is very frustrating for guys who can’t act on their sexual arousal, especially in a marriage… this is why good married men NEED you! One of the biggest mistakes wives make is that they have contempt for their husband’s sexual advances. Not only should you see them as a fact of his humanity, but even consider initiating it yourself regularly so that he doesn’t have to feel like a beggar. Imagine if you didn’t have to coerce, plea, nag, or threaten your spouse for one of your strong needs and desires like for example the need to be listen to? Imagine if he appeared as though he was happy to do it for you, or even better actually wanted to because he knew it would make you happy and that in turn made him happy? Well, ever heard of the golden rule?

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The Family

Gender is an essential characteristic of an individual’s identity and purpose. Successful marriages and families are more easily maintained when fathers preside over their families in love and are responsible for providing and protecting their families and when mothers are primarily responsible for the nurturing. In these impressive responsibilities, fathers and mothers should help one another as equal partners. There are of course circumstances that may necessitate different arrangements and each couple would be wise to sincerely calculate their situation. The disintegration of the family will and has brought grave sorrow and pain upon individuals, communities, and nations.

Under the above assumption, if a man is withholding in his obligation to provide and protect his family people can easily notice. When a man is not meeting his family’s temporal needs people can often tell by outward examples of financial distress. If a man is not protecting his family or is in other words physically abusive, his children and wife can call upon authorities to legally persecute him. However, if a woman withholds her responsibility to nurture her family, particularly her husband, it is not as noticeable to the outside. Meeting your husband’s physical need for sexual intimacy is in very deed nurturing. It helps make him feel cherished, desired, and loved. This loving gift you can provide your husband will bring you closer to him figuratively and literally.

Dinner around the table can prove to be a challenge for overscheduled kids and tired parents, but know that the benefits of a sit down family dinner have been championed by social scientists for years. Many studies have shown that kids who eat dinner regularly with their family are less likely to be involved with drugs and alcohol than those that do not. They also prove to show better grades and have less stress. A study done by Columbia showed that compared to teens who have 5 or more family dinners a week, those who have two or less are three times as likely to try marijuana, two and a half times as likely to smoke cigarettes and one and half times as likely to try alcohol. So not only will your husband benefit from your efforts to arrange dinner each night but so will your children.

Remember that no success can compensate for failure in the home. Start with your marriage and see the amazing trickle-down effect.

Issues of Feminism

In a world of growing feminism, as all polar oppositional forces tend to swing too far, our efforts to secure “equality” actually have diminished the importance of sexual roles and some of the disparities that are inherently present in men and women. While feminism has been amazingly influential in increasing women’s pay and general status in our culture, it has also done some harm when it comes to the family. Feminism’s own language of empowerment has been harnessed to confuse gender roles, causing confusion among men and overwhelming pressure and stress on women. I feel in some ways, the feminist movement has put far too much responsibility on females. The common trend of breaking down gender stereotypes has lead to the traditional roles as nearly being seen as taboo. There are biological differences in men and women and much evidence shows that men are supposed to be men and women are suppose to be women.

Again, there have been many wonderful positives from the feminist movement including freedom and self determination for women, greater diversity of accomplishments, and ideas and a more educated populace. This issue is not easy to discuss because there are so many strong opinions about women and their place in the world. I am not about to argue that woman or any human being is not equal regardless of their sex, race, origin, or abilities. But I would like to try and shed light on the fact that the feminist movement has gone too far.

The economics of our nation have adjusted for a two income family. The average married couple most likely cannot afford to have the American dream lifestyle without two people bringing in a full time wage. Two adults having to grind the wheel of the workforce often, not always, but often results in women feeling overwhelmed, overworked, and feeling as though they are not measuring up as mothers and wives. For many men the result is feeling neglected by their spouses, emasculated, and constantly nagged by their partner because they are not doing enough. Both parties suffer in their health because neither have time to prepare nutritional meals and of course the ultimate decline of their intimacy.

Equality does not mean men and women are the exact same, fundamentally and physiologically we are not! I actually feel that the extreme negative effects of feminism have actually paradoxically been further oppressive. We have shaken up the pre-conceived ideas about how to treat women, but we did not really offer anything in place of those ideas. Perhaps some concepts of our grandmothers’ were not so bad, perhaps we can learn what it means to be a woman and what our divine roles are here on this earth.