Sunday, April 25, 2010

Are You Better than Average?

A leading research firm hired by Durex found that the global average for frequency of sex for a couple is 109 times per year (2.1 times per week, or once every 3.3 days).

Now, where many women may take this statistic as validation to their mate that “we are totally normal” and that his wanting more is because he’s a sex maniac is totally flawed because studies have shown that 95% of men wish they would have more. Also take into consideration this is the average. So this includes couples who are dating, or newly weds that would set the average a lot lower for those who have been married for a while. It is hard for experts to say how many of the 113 million married Americans are having healthy sex lives but psychologist estimate that 15-20% have sex only 10 times a year which defines them as having a "sexless marriage."

So here is the issue- men think their wives are passionless and women think their husbands are insatiable. The truth is we are different. And blame, not libido, is what destroys marriages. Women need to feel emotionally safe with their partner to desire sex. On the other hand, men need to be physically intimate with their lover before they invest a great deal of energy into their relationship. Someone has to break this vicious cycle. Since you are reading this blog, I am counting on you! When you do, I promise that he will be more responsive to you!

There are all kinds of ways to accomplish making your man happy in the “show up naked” part of things:

1. Flirt with him: Guys like to feel desirable too, believe it or not. Remember when you use to play footsies or tell him how sexy he was? Remember talking about him to everyone because you were so stoked? Well give it a go again. Pat him on the bum, tell him what a hottie he is, ravish him when he least expects it. He’ll love it, and he’ll love you even more for it.

2. Make Time for him: This is easy, just reprioritize some things and I promise you have some time… let’s be honest it doesn’t have to be a marathon love scene every time.

3. Even if you’re not in the mood do it. You may need to jumpstart yourself to be in the mood. Often I won’t be feeling it but I always end up enjoying it once we have started. Plus, remember he is usually always in the mood. He deserves the beautiful love you have to give, so give it.

4. Consider just pleasing him. If you do that a few times, just watch how happy he is to make sure that you also enjoy the experience!

I can almost hear you whining, “Why do I have to do all the work?” It has to start somewhere. Why not start with you. After all, that is the only thing you truly have control over. Plus, I promise it becomes super addictive to give love to your husband… because like I always say… he won’t be able to help but give back to you.


  1. i totally agree with all this stuff! i have been doing this, and it totally works! i Love that you blogged about it! A LOT of women think that it is wrong to "please" or take care of your husband! (WEIRD) but, i totally believe this is the key to make marriages and relationships stick! it totally works! i know! for sure!
    love you girl! you are awesome!
    pLUS the food nanny is the BEST! YAY for liz! she is amazing! and her recipes are on our table EVERY NIGHT! ;)

  2. I agree. I find that a vast majority of the relationships I observe, whether close friends, family, or acquaintances, tend to revolve around the woman. I hate to say it ladies, but when it comes to men, once the romance is over and the ring is on the finger, we turn into a very selfish lot when it comes to our men.
    Every time you think "why doesn't he just go out of his way to do something nice for me?" ask yourself the same question!
    Additionally, realize that your husband desiring sex with you is a symbol that he still loves you and finds you attractive! It should be a compliment and a reassurance instead of something to be labeled as perverse.
    Now, I'm often guilty of being "too tired" or "not being in the mood," but I'm working on it. My husband deserves to feel as desired as I want to feel, and do feel knowing he desires me every day. I know we're not wired to think about sex all the time, and it's not often how women choose to show their love, but speak his language, and he'll speak yours. Plus you'll have a heck of a lot of fun along the way! :)

  3. Durex is a condom manufacturer, not a leading research firm. But I like what you're saying regardless.

  4. Thank you Andrea J. You are correct. Durex actually hired the reasearch firm. I stand corrected. Thanks.