She Says

One reader wrote to me because she really disagrees with some of what I have said. She wrote some things that I thought were interesting and valid. I want to share some and address some as well. She says,

“There are women who fought really hard to be seen as fully formed people independent of their sexual relationship with men, and for them, what you are saying seems to want to put them back 'in their place'. Not even 50 years ago, it was laughable for anyone -- except the feminists that you talk about -- to even voice that women could be equal to men in the workplace or in education, or any other field. Feminists fought hard to not be seen only as sex objects.…In my first two jobs, I was groped by men in the workplace. In public… It was commonplace, and there was nothing we could do about it. It was before sexual harassment. We would be laughed at if we 'reported' it. We were laughed at for telling the guys to stop.”

I can only imagine living in the world of yester year and I it breaks my heart to imagine the pain many women have experienced in history and in their marriages because of society not regarding women as equals. I have a profound respect for the generations before me for their efforts to fight for my recognition. My blog is not about discrediting the blessings the feminist movement have created. It is just my view that perhaps this movement’s voice has been so loud that it is now unpopular to consider “his” needs and I think that is unfortunate.

She was frustrated with the fact that my blog says -- 'men have needs'. She thinks I am saying, ‘They can't help themselves.’ I did not mean to come across as saying they have no choice, I did say “SOMETIMES we leave them with little choice” but they absolutely have accountability. They are every bit as responsible for the pain in their marriages and sometimes even more so. Of course they have to own their side of things. Each person has to look at their relationship and ask themselves what it is that they do or do not contribute to their success.

It is clearly an over simplification for me to reduce men as sexually obsessed creatures. Physical intimacy is going to be most rewarding for you AND HIM when it is between two caring and vulnerable people who see their lover as someone who counts just as much. So I am not saying men are ONLY about food and sex but for many guys, especially the physical intimacy, these things are really important.

If for some reason your partner doesn’t fit this bill then please talk about it. Maybe my blog can awake in you two a conversation. “So how do you feel about what this crazy Show up Naked with Food lady is saying?” Communication is going to be the biggest key to real romance in the bedroom. I am just here to say what guys, jokes, and society has been saying for ages- Men often desire physical interaction more than women.

I did agree with this part of what she wrote- "And with your blog about having sex even when you don't want to, you are… raising expectations for women to 'perform' even when they are exhausted by this unfair system." I agree. It is a hard call to action. I am hoping to beckon women to betterment. I wish I could have come across more loving to the lady readers out there. It's just that I actually believe in women. I am, after all, on your team ultimately! I am a woman, a wife, and a mother. So I agree dear reader, many women are TOO tired with life and unfortunately so are men. Hence a divorce rate of over 50%.