Friday, April 30, 2010


I have been incredibly surprised at the overwhelming response I have received about this blog. I really appreciate all of your comments, so thank you so much. While the vast majority have been incredibly positive, there have been some thoughts that have lead me to be introspective about the type of “voice” I have been using. Several people have disagreed with me about particular points that I have actually addressed, perhaps they have not read the entire blog, perhaps I have not been clear enough or perhaps those peripheral thoughts are lost with my louder and more focused points.

So I really want to take this time to clarify and reiterate. First of all, as I mentioned in the warning above: these concepts will not work for EVERYONE. Every relationship is different and each present different dynamics and challenges. While there is so so so much more to marriage and a fulfilling life with the person you love than just sex and food, these insights and tips may prove to be helpful to you in your relationship. I am not a marriage expert. I know nothing about your personal life. I am just sharing my opinions and would happily love to hear yours. Many people may need more serious help in their marriage and only they can determine what works best for them.

This argument of being selfless in your marriage is absolutely a two way street. There should be a blog out there for men and how they can create an environment in their marriage where the wife feels safe, valued, loved and appreciated so as to encourage her desire to serve and to be intimate with him. Husbands should get a clue to be helpful with chores, dishes, and to listen better. Guys should put down the video games, let these ladies know they are lovely, and give the magic women in their lives more affection and time. Problems in marriages are complex and while every person who is hurting deserves a listening ear and some validation this blog’s main intention is to plead the case of the other side. I am here to represent decent men and not the men that come with addictions, expectancy, and seriously severely neglectful behaviors. Most of us probably married good guys, right? Afterall, that is why we married them.

This blog is about taking a moment to think about how we might have made their lives more difficult, how we can change our ways, how we can do more to make them feel adored. Any real change has to start with you. Perhaps you already have a good thing going. Well good for you! But I am betting if you asked your darling husband if he’d appreciate the application of more intimacy and more service he’d happily nod his head. Giving of yourself and reaching out to the person you are married to is what I am carrying on about. The physical intimacy every day (and this doesn’t have to mean intercourse) is really really important to MOST men. There is an overwhelming amount of women who do not understand this and if they do, they do not care, because they are too focused on their own hurting to see his.

When you really understand one another and are communicating on a deep level then you’ll find true happiness. Problems are a viscous cycle but someone has to stop them. I am here to say why not have it be you? Perfect your craft of loving him… whatever that looks like! I just know from following this advice--- I have one happy bloke for a husband.


  1. This all looks good to me. I wouldn't worry too much about what other people think. I really appreciate it when my wife makes me dinner and when she loves me. I don't know why but no matter what problems are going on in life, her affection makes them seem minuscule or nonexistent. On the flip, if life is dishing some minor blows they seem far more discouraging when she is not supportive or showing affection. I don't really know why... But it works.

  2. I think this blog is great! I was one of those women who truly didn't understand the physiological need behind a man's want for intimacy. I love my husband, but once I showed him that more frequently our marriage became so much more wonderful.

  3. I know there is backlash to this kind of message because it calls for us women to change ourselves. It's easier to want change in our environment or spouse, but the only thing we really have control over is ourselves. We're sometimes scared to realize how much influence we have in our own lives; it causes us to take responsibility for our shortcomings of the past and live up to our potential in the future. In trading out control over ourselves, we try to gain more control over our husbands through subtly manipulative behavior in which we honestly don't realize we're engaging.

    I would like to know other readers' thoughts on that topic: why do we women slip into control games if we're not guarding against it?