The element that can regularly restore ones marriage to a relationship that resembles something of ROMANCE rather than roommates, is physical intimacy. Now stop and ask yourself how often do you share intimate moments with your husband? Do you think perhaps he may like more? What about you, would you like to have more feelings of twitterpation and excitement in your married life? Are you interested in your spouse? Where does he fit on your list of priorities?
If your relationship is important to you- than you have to invest in it. The grass is NOT always greener on the other side, it is greener where you water, weed, and fertilize it. In marriage you just have to be willing to be physical, hopefully you actually want to, but it is unfortunately very common for women not to desire sexual intimacy as much as she once did and certainly not as much as her husband does.
I know what it is like to be tired, to feel stressed, unattractive, and sometimes just not in the mood. But I have learned that when it comes to responding to a husband’s overtures women can actually turn up the heat in themselves just by simply participating. Simply having sex can fuel the desire for more intimacy in your marriage because if you have a satisfying experience (even just if for you- emotionally) that positive reinforcement will encourage more. And to add to that, when you are empowering your man because he is “getting lucky” your luck magically improves too because you find yourself more and more in LOVE with the person you are sharing your life. There it is indeed, the operative word; ‘sharing’. Share with your husband your life, your thoughts, your time, and yes... even your body.
Desire is really a choice. You have to choose to make the physical part of your marriage vibrant and intimately satisfying. Granted both of you have to decide this together to have real dividends and moving forward the two of you can create ways to rediscover that energy you once decided to say “I do” to.
It is really not complicated; it requires getting the kids to bed at a decent hour, acquiring a better attitude, and romancing the man you married. How important is your marriage to you? How badly do you want your home life to be a safe haven and your marriage to be a legacy to your family? Why don’t we CHOOSE OUR HUSBANDS every day like we promised to?
So true! We are what we make our minds up to be so if we decide we want to have sex we will!
ReplyDeleteI appreciate what you have done and what you are trying to do. I have had 15 years with my sweet wife and in the larger picture 15 great years. Happy years? I'd say 10, maybe.
ReplyDeleteThere were things that came up that tested our boundaries and comfort zones. In fact just yesterday we had a blow up about our son pushing in line to get his face painted and we didn't talk for a few hours. It should have been much simpler to get through than that but we couldn't move those mountains we both built in 2 sentences flat!
I am greatful for the metaphor that is turning up naked and with food. Until I started reading this blog I didn't realise that my lovely wife was doing that pretty much daily. Here I am, this is me, this is who I am, please love me, How much more raw and naked could she be and how many times have I judged, dismissed,ridiculed been condescending, battled for a position I knew was wrong, lied to make her feel like a loser just so I wouldn't. How many times have I played the offensive jerk card? Oh yeah some of my finer moments. (that last was complete sarcasm) But yet she still shows up.
I also get that it isn't one sided. With all the differences that exist between men and women I believe the common goal is and should be happiness. I believe it should be that simple and I'm also saying that to achieve that happiness it's not that easy. But I want it to be and that's the start for me. I was never going to achieve this on my own else I would have married myself and I'm sure a lot men have done just that.
Thanks for this, you are and remain one of my closest friends. I am your Porter Rockwell for you and your husband, he's a great guy too.