Monday, May 3, 2010

Lessons Learned

My philosophy is to ‘take care’ of your man because you love him, because it is the right thing to do, and because it ultimately takes care of you. I have shared this to many of how when a wife lovingly and happily makes her man’s needs a priority, her relationship with him can flourish. In order to create an environment where our partners feel safe and valued we must be willing to give of ourselves. This giving of self can take many forms. The playful package of Show Up Naked with Food has evolved as I have learned over and over how pervasive the issue is of husbands feeling physically deprived. I have witnessed how in marriages neglect leads to neglect, hurt to hurt, and selfishness to selfishness. As I have tried to convince wives of making more of an effort to not be as selfish, particularly in the bedroom because this is where I have seen this mostly occurs, I am confident that when done in light of a decent man your chances for fortifying your marriage are much greater.

In a world that is incredibly sexually charged and where it seems the only resources to discuss sex are found in trashy magazines, I was hoping to provide a forum where people will not hear graphic details and unnecessary filth, but rather where they can discuss intimacy in the context of a committed relationship called marriage. No marriage is perfect, certainly some come close, but every relationship has its weak areas or places for improvement. This blog is here to extend ideas and thoughts of how to help wives build their marriages. I personally am far from perfect! And I want to take a moment to expound on this fact and acknowledge some lessons I have learned in light of starting this blog.

It has been brought to my attention that I have, while unintentionally, made some people feel uncomfortable and even judged with some of my words. I think the concepts I am trying to capture are difficult. There are so many different situations in life and only you as the reader can consider yours against some of my opinions. I guess I made the assumption that readers would understand that this blog is specifically themed and not intended to be all encompassing. I have also learned that often people hear what you don’t write even more than what you do and that even if you do write something you can’t totally control what message people will take away.

I hope to be more thoughtful and diligent on my end. For example, when I used the ‘once a day’ suggestion I really meant to take care of your husband however often he desires it and determine between the two of you if you need to improve the amount that you do share intimacy with one another for his and your benefit.

I was asked to blog my marriage soapbox by many friends who had implemented these concepts, tested and proved them and thrilled, felt others should hear what I had to say. Initially, I sent it out to only a few people. I got such positive feedback that I got excited and sent it out many more. While I have received a lot of applause for my efforts and many people are telling me this is needed, I have to admit I am laughing at how ‘silly’ I am at times.

Picture this, I am out and about and bump into someone that I know I sent my blog invite to… we smile and say hi and they say nothing about my seemingly controversial writings and I start to think of how many different scenarios that are possible. My first thought is I hope I have not offended them, then I consider that perhaps it just isn’t a big deal to them either way, but my last thought brings some color into my cheeks… what if they think I am some crazy nympho? I have to laugh at myself inside and realize I am one dorky kid and then mentally reassure that I should be proud of the fact that my man and I adore one another and that these concepts help feed our love life and brings us closer. The only reason for my ‘bravery’ in sharing my thoughts so publically is because of my desire to try and share what I have found to be so true. But let me say, I have learned a lot this past week. Thanks for being patient with me as I fumble my way. Now stop reading this and go love up your partner! ;)


  1. You can't live life worrying about what other people are offended by. Your blog might be the only reason I come back to the Church...

    Think on that judgers!

  2. Ha ha, I laughed at the "crazy nympho" remark! Too funny. I don't think of you that way, just as honest and frank and willing to share what works for your marriage.

    Have you read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands"? A lot of your blog posts bring to mind that book- it's a good one.

    Keep it up, Linds, you are great!

  3. Thanks Barb. I haven't read it but I am sure these concepts can be found a lot of places. You are awesome. xoxo And Don- Thanks for being encouraging.

  4. I think this blog is great! Just like Barb said, this blog reminds me a lot of "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." Dr. Laura basically tells women to quite whining and live up to the promises you made when you entered into your marriage.

    I keep thinking about how to better take care of Shane. I don't intentionally neglect him, I think over time you forget what your husband need. I love being reminded! THANKS!

  5. You are too funny! I died laughing at the last sentence. I also agree that what you say reminds me of "The Proper Care..." Full of great messages.

  6. I keep wondering how I can bring this conversation up in Relief Society without giving people the wrong impressions you've run into. Let me know if you come up with any silver bullets. Imagine how happy a ward ours would be were the sisters to all simultaneously implement these gospel truths!!!