Thursday, May 20, 2010

Some Points

A reader bravely wrote me about a few parts of my blog that she had mixed feelings about so I wanted to share her thoughts since I think it may prove to be helpful both for me to clarify and for you to have the chance to come to your own conclusions about some of her comments. She first wanted to address my “Why Men NEED It” post. She said that she feels the way it’s written makes it sound like men absolutely, physically must ejaculate every day. She wrote, “I think men may WANT to have daily ejaculation, but they don’t really NEED it.”

I actually never wrote that they need to every day… I just said they NEED to! I can see why she thought I was inferring ‘every day’ since I initially was suggesting 'take care of your man each and every day' because I think a lot of men would like it every day. So in all actuality she and I agree on this post. I will say again, I feel it is super important that wives understand that men absolutely do need to ejaculate eventually and this is why if they do not they will have a nocturnal emission. Their need/desire for physical intimacy is different then ours! Theirs is physiological and for this reason and many others, it is my hope that wives will think before they are quick to deny their husbands.

She also let me know that some men in her life indicated that they feel a little bummed at being portrayed as such simple creatures and being reduced to their stomachs and their sex drives. She wrote, “(They) hoped that there was more to making them happy husbands than keeping them fed and sexually satisfied. All of them also said that daily sex (or other sexual acts) are a nice idea, but that they would all be too exhausted to participate. They all also said that if they knew their wives were only acquiescing to their advances out of a sense of duty and were (maybe) just pretending to be happy about them, they would feel horribly guilty.”

Again, of course this specifically themed blog is a simplification! I do have to admit I was a little surprised that guys have beef with what I am saying on this blog because it really is intended to be for their benefit and for the married couple’s benefit ultimately. I do have some questions for those guys that would feel “guilty” about their wives acquiescing their sexual needs though…

---first of all these are probably very good husbands because they are thinking about their wives emotional well being, these husbands are unselfish, they want their wife to WANT to be with them intimately and not just because it is what she SHOULD do. Bravo good husbands! Bravo! Your willingness to be thoughtful in your marriage, I am sure, serves you well. But let me ask you this: Do you ever do things for your wife just because you love her and not because you necessarily want to? Like for example a foot rub, do you get physical pleasure out of caressing the appendage attached at the ankle? Do you get jolly when you take out the trash? Do you adore buying flowers for flowers sake? Or perhaps do you often do kind things for your wife PURELY because it makes you happy to make her happy? This is what I am trying to convey and teach loving wives on this here bloggity blog. I am trying to get them to WANT to be physical with you even if her body is not necessarily craving it because it makes YOU happy which can in turn bring her and your marriage joy.

Another point she brought up was, “You say feminism has done some harm to the family. I completely agree that for many people, they may feel that if they don’t have an impressive career, perfect kids, a perfect home and a happy husband, then they are falling short in some way….I think feminism has made it so that my husband is conditioned to the idea of sharing the workload in the home and with the family, instead of expecting to come home and sit in his chair and smoke his pipe…”

Great call reader! I agree. Many men today are almost programmed to the idea that they better help out in equal loads or else. The good parts, like this one, of feminism are not what I am pointing to as the extremes or negatives from the movement. Maybe let me put it this way… imagine if there was a blog by a man that was titled, “Love Making Starts in the Kitchen” and the writer wrote all about how men should romance their wives, shave, shower, bring a rose, help bath the kids, mop the floors, compliment how his lady looks that evening and then cuddle up on the couch and watch Pride and Prejudice while kissing the nape of her neck to get her interested before he even considers advancing to the final whammy. Do you think it would get people upset like this blog seemingly has? I think because the feminist movement has had to be so LOUD for so LONG in order to get women a place at the table of society it has polarized and swung too far and it's now really unpopular to consider the things I am saying.

In today’s world, the enviable and rare woman is not the one liberated enough to scream to society that she is wearing the pants in her relationship. Nor is she the one capable of getting her man on his knees with her power tactics of withholding. The rare woman, and I am suggesting often the happy one--is the woman who maintains her husband's sexual interest and who returns it with pleasure.

Thank you for your comments and thoughts. Please keep them coming!

1 comment:

  1. I've felt like this blog is what you said, a simplification of how we can help improve our marriages. Obviously every marriage is different and requires tweaks to any and all advice everyone gives.

    I love that in the church there isn't advice given on how much love making there needs to be or how many of the chores the husband had to participate in. Instead, we are told to do those things that are necessary for our eternal salvation and if we do, we will be sensitive to the spirit. If we have the spirit we can't help but be in tune with our spouse and be able to meet their needs before they become needs.

    Thanks again for all your posts. I love them all!