Thursday, July 29, 2010

Feelings of a working mom

An issue that a friend of mine, a mother of two small kids, has had that has caused lack intimacy with her husband started when she began working full time. She says she feels resentful of “doing” more than he does around the house while already working just as much. She feels that she is left with two options: endlessly haranguing her guy to be aware of the house needs the same way she is, or silently fuming which usually equals launching a sex strike.

Well it turns out for her that the "traditional" marriage, which has been annihilated in society, where she stays at home and he works…. actually was a much better deal. Although she likes her job she feels that when she was a stay at home mom her house ran smoother, they ate better meals because she cooked them, the kitchen and bathrooms were always clean, and she actually got alone time with him. Everything is just not good enough at home now. For example: Her husband just doesn’t straighten the bath mat like she would after getting the kids out of the shower.

She claims that having a stay at home mom has pretty good provisions for many of today's most stubborn marital problems, such as how to combine work and parenthood, and how to keep the springs of the marriage bed in good working order. I thought her insight was interesting. Hope you’re getting good use out of your mattress!!!

Sunday, July 25, 2010


To say couples are unhappy because they are not having sex regularly can certainly be simplifying the problem- many couples have vulnerabilities that are reflected in their sex life. One partner may be afraid of rejection, for example, while the other is afraid of merging, which can affect the sexual connection. Therapy is often the best way for couples to work out these fears.

"Unsatisfying sexual relationships are the all-too-frequent causes of alienation, infidelity and divorce," says Dr. Weiner Davis. She contends that it isn't a matter of how often a couple has sex, but how satisfied both partners feel: "A sex-starved marriage is more about the fallout that occurs when one spouse is deeply unhappy with his/her sexual relationship and this unhappiness is ignored, minimized, or dismissed."

What if you and or your spouse are not “stoked” on your romantic relationship? What can we do? Well, you can start with offering suggestions to your partner about what will help you enjoy yourself more. Take action right away. Be spontaneous! Do something different. If you let your marriage slowly decline it will ultimately fail. Often happiness inside the bedroom translates to happiness outside the bedroom… the two go hand in hand.

Please use the beautiful gift of intimacy to connect to the person you are married to because it is one of life’s sweetest pleasures and not just physically.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Two Sides to Every Coin

There are always TWO SIDES TO EVERY COIN. Remembering this helps us accept the men we married. Perhaps we should stop focusing on their faults and look at the things they do well and the things we do appreciate about them.

Let’s take for example my sweet husband… he is remarkably humble, calm, easy going, and an absolute joy to be around. He lets things slide and troubles/dramas in life are merely water off a duck’s back. He grew up on the beach and has this fun, laid back, life loving personality that is incredibly endearing. He always wants to be with friends and family and makes life’s precious moments his aim. Interestingly enough the other side of the coin called “Mr. Chilled Out” also means that sometimes he isn’t the most tenacious person and can often be so content with life that pushing for extreme goals and aspirations aren’t always a top priority. Sometimes I find myself wishing he had a little more “Fire” and I wonder why he doesn’t take care of certain things the same way that I do. Fortunately- I often stop to recognize and remember that I married one side of the coin that I adore… so I had better be willing to accept the other side too. Each of us has weaknesses and strengths and often times our strengths can be our weaknesses given different situations.

When we see our spouses with compassion, our view of them changes regardless if they change or not. One way to see your man with compassion is by seeing him as hungry… for something yummy to eat and for that lovely body of yours! So flip a coin…heads means you make him and sandwhich right now and tails means…well… fill in the blank. ;)

Friday, July 9, 2010

Not Mother?

I love this quote by Goethe, “If you treat a man as he is, he will stay as he is, but if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become that bigger and better man.”

When our unwavering faith is on his side, he will strive to live up what we have made him out to be. Inspire him. Make him come home beaming by recognized him and appreciated him and teaching your children to.

If only all of us could remember that forcing a man to change often causes rebellion. After all, he didn’t want to marry his mother.

“It is simply futile to try to change another if we do so in a critical spirit, even a mild one. Generally speaking, we influence others most profoundly when we do not seek to change them at all, but simply go about straightforwardly doing the right and loving thing.” -Arbinger Institute