To say couples are unhappy because they are not having sex regularly can certainly be simplifying the problem- many couples have vulnerabilities that are reflected in their sex life. One partner may be afraid of rejection, for example, while the other is afraid of merging, which can affect the sexual connection. Therapy is often the best way for couples to work out these fears."Unsatisfying sexual relationships are the all-too-frequent causes of alienation, infidelity and divorce," says Dr. Weiner Davis. She contends that it isn't a matter of how often a couple has sex, but how satisfied both partners feel: "A sex-starved marriage is more about the fallout that occurs when one spouse is deeply unhappy with his/her sexual relationship and this unhappiness is ignored, minimized, or dismissed."
What if you and or your spouse are not “stoked” on your romantic relationship? What can we do? Well, you can start with offering suggestions to your partner about what will help you enjoy yourself more. Take action right away. Be spontaneous! Do something different. If you let your marriage slowly decline it will ultimately fail. Often happiness inside the bedroom translates to happiness outside the bedroom… the two go hand in hand.
Please use the beautiful gift of intimacy to connect to the person you are married to because it is one of life’s sweetest pleasures and not just physically.
On Sunday our RS lesson was on the talk given by Elder Holland about pornography. After many sisters gave excellent comments about how to protect their families (mostly their children) from porn, I remembered something that your wrote about. I knew what I was about to say was bold and to the point but I felt very strongly prompted to say it. I raised my hand and told the sisters that one of the reasons men turn to porn is because their physical needs are not being taken care of. I spoke a bit about how they HAVE to ejaculate (I of course didn't use that word in RS) after awhile and if they don't get it from sex with their wife then they are tempted strongly to go elsewhere. I told the sisters (I'm in a BYU student married ward where Shane and I are the longest married at 3.5 yrs.) that someday they won't want to jump in bed whenever their husband gets that look in his eye but that they need to let their husbands love them. I also said they need to talk about both of their wants and needs with sex so they understand each others perspectives.
ReplyDeleteI felt such a peace after I spoke about this topic. There were 4 women who came up to me after and thanked me for making the comment. It goes to show that talking about "taboo" things can be the best thing in the world.
Thanks for this blog. I wouldn't have had that inspired thought without it.