Monday, November 29, 2010

3 Important rules

1. DON'T GO TO BED MAD Although you've probably heard this before, it is really true and really powerful. Going to bed with frustration and hurt tends to keep feelings under the surface. Talking things out and falling to sleep in each other’s arms is a better way to go!

2. DARE TO BE BOLD Way too often, wives sit back and wait for their husbands to make the first move in the bedroom. Try showing initiative and being the aggressive one. This usually will ignite your husband's passion in a major way. It will leave him feeling desired and worthwhile… a feeling we all long for.

3. DON'T DEPRIVE HIM Husbands need sex as much, if not more than you need compliments and hugs. For most men, this is a very important way in which they feel loved.

The Family


Repost April 22
Gender is an essential characteristic of an individual’s identity and purpose. Successful marriages and families are more easily maintained when fathers preside over their families in love and are responsible for providing and protecting their families and when mothers are primarily responsible for the nurturing. In these impressive responsibilities, fathers and mothers should help one another as equal partners. There are of course circumstances that may necessitate different arrangements and each couple would be wise to sincerely calculate their situation. The disintegration of the family will and has brought grave sorrow and pain upon individuals, communities, and nations.

Under the above assumption, if a man is withholding in his obligation to provide and protect his family people can easily notice. When a man is not meeting his family’s temporal needs people can often tell by outward examples of financial distress. If a man is not protecting his family or is in other words physically abusive, his children and wife can call upon authorities to legally persecute him. However, if a woman withholds her responsibility to nurture her family, particularly her husband, it is not as noticeable to the outside. Meeting your husband’s physical need for sexual intimacy is in very deed nurturing. It helps make him feel cherished, desired, and loved. This loving gift you can provide your husband will bring you closer to him figuratively and literally.

Dinner around the table can prove to be a challenge for overscheduled kids and tired parents, but know that the benefits of a sit down family dinner have been championed by social scientists for years. Many studies have shown that kids who eat dinner regularly with their family are less likely to be involved with drugs and alcohol than those that do not. They also prove to show better grades and have less stress. A study done by Columbia showed that compared to teens who have 5 or more family dinners a week, those who have two or less are three times as likely to try marijuana, two and a half times as likely to smoke cigarettes and one and half times as likely to try alcohol. So not only will your husband benefit from your efforts to arrange dinner each night but so will your children.Remember that no success can compensate for failure in the home. Start with your marriage and see the amazing trickle-down effect.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Feminism


repost from April 2010
In a world of growing feminism, as all polar oppositional forces tend to swing too far, our efforts to secure “equality” actually have diminished the importance of sexual roles and some of the disparities that are inherently present in men and women. While feminism has been amazingly influential in increasing women’s pay and general status in our culture, it has also done some harm when it comes to the family. Feminism’s own language of empowerment has been harnessed to confuse gender roles, causing confusion among men and overwhelming pressure and stress on women. I feel in some ways, the feminist movement has put far too much responsibility on females. The common trend of breaking down gender stereotypes has lead to the traditional roles as nearly being seen as taboo. There are biological differences in men and women and much evidence shows that men are supposed to be men and women are suppose to be women.

Again, there have been many wonderful positives from the feminist movement including freedom and self determination for women, greater diversity of accomplishments, and ideas and a more educated populace. This issue is not easy to discuss because there are so many strong opinions about women and their place in the world. I am not about to argue that woman or any human being is not equal regardless of their sex, race, origin, or abilities. But I would like to try and shed light on the fact that the feminist movement has gone too far.

The economics of our nation have adjusted for a two income family. The average married couple most likely cannot afford to have the American dream lifestyle without two people bringing in a full time wage. Two adults having to grind the wheel of the workforce often, not always, but often results in women feeling overwhelmed, overworked, and feeling as though they are not measuring up as mothers and wives. For many men the result is feeling neglected by their spouses, emasculated, and constantly nagged by their partner because they are not doing enough. Both parties suffer in their health because neither have time to prepare nutritional meals and of course the ultimate decline of their intimacy.

Equality does not mean men and women are the exact same, fundamentally and physiologically we are not! I actually feel that the extreme negative effects of feminism have actually paradoxically been further oppressive. We have shaken up the pre-conceived ideas about how to treat women, but we did not really offer anything in place of those ideas. Perhaps some concepts of our grandmothers’ were not so bad, perhaps we can learn what it means to be a woman and what our divine roles are here on this earth.

Monday, November 15, 2010

A Husband's Thoughts

One of my readers sent me some thoughts about the topic of pornography. He comes from a very religious community and talks about how taboo the subject is in his circle.

“I believe there is a process of suppression that people instigate as a protective mechanism from the images and words that are pornographic. Good or bad? They choose not to talk about or acknowledge it, but how do you introduce the subject in casual conversation without killing it or making it vile? When brought up in conversation it throws people out of their comfort zone. Pornography is mysterious, its sex, it’s curious, it’s bad, it’s exciting. After all its 2 people making love albeit in ways I will never do it and in groups and same sex...whatever.
Sometimes I am curious about the way other people have sex. I don’t visit these sites to find out but that’s not to say I’m not curious. Am I a closet pornographer?I agree that women need to satiate their husbands (not only in bed) to keep a marriage alive. But I will also say that a husband needs to work just as hard to maintain a healthy marriage and also not through sex. We (husbands) can’t hide behind the Priesthood, or, I’m the man of the house clause, or do as I say, line. It doesn’t work that way. For me it doesn’t work for my wife to not have a voice in our partnership, or if we flip that, she can’t be talking crap at me all day either.

Sure, I put forward my best persona when I was dating my wife. What? Was I really going to give her both barrels of full disclosure..... My porn career is alive and well but with my wife. If we agree one night that I’m going to parade as Tarzan, then damn it I will! There is nothing that happens in our marriage without both of us agreeing to it. I don’t know the answers to avoiding pornographic material I don’t understand the addiction side of it but unless there is full disclosure and open communication mixed with sensitivity and love, it’s going to be a long road in a relationship. If it’s not porn it’s going to be something else.

I’ve mentioned in this blog that my wife and I endure a marriage bound by some seriously strong threads that include communication and honesty, and all developed over time. There are so many innocuous events in our lives that cause each of us to compare, size up, judge, and to think about the disparity in our relationships. Apart from the wonderful qualities my wife developed before she met me and during her time with me, her quality of beauty is also determined by the crap women who have entered my life. The crap relationships I’ve seen. I mention this here to offer a possible why to pornography. You know the phrase, you can’t know the sweet without knowing the sour?I have never believed that Lindsay has ever said that showing up naked with food meant that women should give in and placate the husband, keep the peace by capitulating, spreading her legs to be obedient, giving up her identity, her voice etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. If that is the perspective you achieve from this blog or if that is the perspective you want in your life and about your role in your marriage then it should not surprise you your husband is going to be a tosser. I can’t be stale about my role in this partnership. My best persona did not wither or disappear because of marriage, it’s improving or my relationship is heading south.”
I love to hear what guys think about it, so it was fun to get one husband's perspective. Let me know your thoughts...