Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Poor Form

Withholding sex to "punish" your husband when things are not going great is cruel but more than anything is hurts you in the end. Did it ever occur to you that sex has a healing and unifying power? Withholding is usually about control and a severe lack of communication skills. Withholding sex can be an expression of hostility, or of teaching him a lesson. So you go ahead and show your spouse who is the “boss”, then what? You have now tainted the most loving act in the world into a weapon???

I understand that if your partner has mistreated you the last thing you want to do is jump in the sack. But please… then instead go about resolving things instead of playing some passive aggressive game where you are manipulative. What you do is create a dynamic where SEX becomes a tool instead of a gift. Your husband will learn to resent you and the power that comes with your physical affection, you literally aid in the process of reducing yourself into an object instead of a person.

Think of it from a different perspective. My friend’s father uses money in the same way. He will help his children financially but then uses it to obligate and guilt them later. He retroactively diminishes his fiscal gifts by holding it over his children’s heads. If they don’t do what he wants to appease him in any way, he will bring up his financial gifts as weapons. What has happened over the years is that the kids see him as an ATM that they resent. They want his money but not him. He created in them the very resistance he has wanted to avoid. He feels used, and rightfully so, but think about the part he played in that destructive exchange.

When wives do this with physical intimacy it usually proves to be a foolish move. When we are offended, we are looking into the other person’s behavior for ways to justify our own wrong doing. It really never plays out as we hope and it is just poor form.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010


Ok, this is a really sweet little clean married site for buying adorable romantic things for your husband for Christmas... what he really wants for Christmas.... check it out. The lady who runs this is in my mom's ward and is such a great person trying to help build better marriages in society. One of the best ways to edify your marriage is to show your husband you LOVE him... as much as you can this holiday season.

Please Visit

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Where did she go?

One feisty feminist talked about how her heart was softened when her husband said, “'What happened to this lover I married? Where did she go?” This person use to counsel her girl friends to have sex only when, where and how they want it, regardless of their partner's feelings. She gained the sudden awareness that, often, this isn't just about thoughtless men expecting sex on tap, but that as women, we use sex to punish, to withhold and to send coded 'You're not getting it right' messages instead of communicating our true feelings. And we are literally destroying our marriages.

While some women go on an undeclared sex strike through resentment over unwashed dishes, neglected duties, disappointment, plenty more don't know what caused their once-passionate desire to wither away. Maybe it is just that many ladies don't have a particularly high libido to begin with. Maybe during the falling in love state they were given a huge boost by the hormonal cocktail of cupid. But after a few years or even sooner, she reverts back to normal, leaving her poor passionate partner totally stranded and in trouble.

According to tons of research done on married women… it is the simple matter of Just Doing It! Women simply choosing to have sex, rather than waiting for an incredibly sexual urge seems to be a very powerful tool in helping make your marriage go right. People might look at it as a modern version of 'lie back and think of happy thoughts'. Many women today freak out about the idea of women feeling sexually obligated. HERE IS THE CRITICAL POINT… for many women being physically touched is the only way to get that engine running. I have had many honest admissions from women that unless decide to do it, they would never. But when activity mode is turned to “ON” the sex is often as good as they could imagine.

And at the end of the day, Show Up Naked with Food is preaching that it is a matter of just choosing to show your special man that you do indeed love him - even if you don’t always feel like it.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Snake Like

Many women in their insecurities become incredibly needy and clingy. This over bearing approach that is all too common for the Y chromosome is suffocating and unappealing to most men. One guy friend of mine described this scenario as being just like an anaconda snake. The tighter it clenches the more the victim can’t breathe and the more the struggle to get away the more she strengthens her grip. A vicious cycle indeed.

Guys want to want to be with you… and even sometimes to miss you. The most attractive thing in another person is true and genuine self esteem. If you respect and love yourself you pave a path for others to love you too. Nothing is more unattractive than a person who doesn’t like themselves because it makes them do really gnarly things.

So please, unless you are using your snake like abilities for fun purposes in the bedroom… try not to give into the serpent’s ways.