Monday, February 21, 2011

Feeling in the Food?

We haven’t talked about the “Showing up with FOOD” side for a while… hence today’s blog.
If by habit or if naturally, there seems to be a very potent association with food and the feeling of nurturing love. As infants we would cry out and be soothed by milk and gain the almost immediate sense of security that someone is there for us. As a mom, I even sometimes use tasty treats as a reward to my kids. School activities, parties, and celebrations of all kinds come with lovely things to eat to mark the occasion as a special one. Later in life as adults, we sometimes indulge in the naughty foods because they lift our spirits and make us feel better. So it comes as no surprise to me that people can mistake emotional huger for actual hunger. Just picture any cliché chick flick right after the “break up” scene… yep… she’s sitting there on the couch binge eating on pizza and ice cream.

Here is the fun part for us wives about this powerful human tie have to food - we can use our skills in the kitchen and translate them into tokens that convey we care about our husbands. Even if you aren’t the “cook” in the family, try making something yummy for him, make sure it is something he would like to eat, and see if he responds to it with appreciation. Serving him deliciousness can become a chance to dote on Mr. Important. I have a friend who HATES cooking. She has other talents and capabilities but this is just not her thing. Her husband fends for himself every meal. The unfortunate part is that he works and she does not. She figures out ways to snack and feed her children though out the day and when he gets home he feels like the absence of dinner for him means he is not on her radar. He has shared with me how he feels sorry for himself and she has shared on me how she hates to prepare meals. They spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars extra a month because of constantly eating out. They rarely sit down for “family time” and have a meal together where they can talk about things and enjoy one another’s company. From this dynamic the husband, unfortunately, uses his “neglect” as an internal excuse for why he isn’t that helpful with household chores. She in turn tells herself, “he doesn’t deserve me fixing him dinner when he isn’t that helpful himself!” It’s funny how couples feed off of each other for their justifications. Show Up Naked with Food is pleading to the humble power within all wives to be the first to end the nonsense games we play. Be the one to offer the olive branch. I turn to women, not because I feel it is your fault, but rather because I feel you are the most likely to eventuate any real chance in your marriage. Let’s start by looking in the mirror and then, maybe, by cracking open a cook book.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Climate for Love

I believe that in each soul there is a tremendous longing for LOVE. The love we most earnestly need in our lives is not the "honeymoon state" buttery fly wonderment that comes with new love but rather the inestimable joy of being known, accepted, and received. Often times I think about how I can try to conjure up or re-kindle the delectable feelings that I had when first dating my husband but then this secure sense that what I have now has been created over 7 years and is so much more valuable and hard to come by and is ... a little thing I like to call.... TRUE LOVE.

I have often wondered why there are not more resources or educational venues on how to create a climate for love. After all we learn all kinds of life skills in formal settings but what of this number one driving human factor that we celebrate on Valentine's Day? We need more help in learning that love is a product of intentional effort and is truly an undertaking. TRUE LOVE is a labor of LOVE.
Often we assume our husband knows how much we care about him and so we leave the outward expressions for special moments like yesterday but the experience of feeling loved is only developed through specific attitudes, actions, services, gestures, and in the acting out of what is in our hearts.

"The more love you give, the more you will receive; the more love is given and received, the more it will abound; the more love abounds, the sweeter life will be; the sweeter life is, the more love itself will be the atmosphere we live and breathe." - Daphne Rose Kingma